Some while back I said that God was going to make my Babel Bell. What I meant was that I had determined a set of parameters to come up with as random a sound as possible. I selected events and reduced them to a series of mathematical possibilities which would yield either a yes or a no response. For example, I suggested watching people at a set of traffic lights, and seeing if either a male or a female crossed the road first. This would give a result of either one or the other. In other words, every decision I had to make could have been determined by the flip of a coin.
So thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s how I made my Babel Bell, with a coin, instead of doing all those other things. I just didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have the time, or the enthusiasm. So my bell wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t really made by God. Or was it? Random acts are often attributed to higher intervention, and in this cynical world where religion is being slowly snuffed out, I chose to believe that God paid special attention to my needs, and designed my Babel Bell for me. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to meet God:
As you can see itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s nothing more than a coin, a British one pound coin, with a head and a tail. But from now on we shall refer to the coin as God, and we shall treat it with the same respect.
So I tossed God several times into the air, and he told me that I should make my sound by using someone elseÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s recording, it should be a natural sound, and it should be a tonal sound. With those instructions I came up with the idea of using the opening piano chord from Philip GlassÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Les Enfants Terrible.
I then asked the Holy Trinity what the attack, sustain and decay times should be, and he gave me a list, totalling about 20 seconds. As you may well be aware, the piano chord was less than half a second long, so I had to timestretch it. I stretched the sound by about fifty times, making it unrecognisable as a Philip Glass piano chord.
I then proceeded to apply various effects to the stretched out chord, obviously consulting our Lord and Saviour at every step of the way. Now I have to say that I was not altogether convinced by GodÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s abilities to make a good sound. He seemed to make decisions that, quite frankly, I found irrational and unnecessary. Nevertheless, I followed his advice to the letter, and came up with a rather bizarre sound. Never before have I had the need to apply reverb, chorus, phaser, flanger, autopan, tremelo and ring modulation all on the same piece of audio. But thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what He told me to do, so I did it. Clearly God doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t believe in moderation. The sound will be played sometime in Prague, and I hope you enjoy it.